THE TWISTCHIP EMAILS – 2

From: twistchip@hellinc.co.uk To: all Deleterious Impulse Encouragement Facilitators
Cc: sirbeelzebubmammon@hellinc.co.uk

Hi – to all you great tempters out there!

OK, listen up, we have great news. Sir Beelzebub Mammon is initiating a new hiring process, inspired by one of his favourite human TV programs. We have a great new bunch of hatchlings popping out of the spawning grounds and it\’s kinda tough to select amongst them so…

After an intense elimination process, just ten of the most promising youngsters will get to participate with Sir Beelzebub in LIVE on the ground Deleterious Impulse Encouragement with the humans themselves. Or as Sir Beelzebub hilariously puts, \”real tempting of real suckers.\” (He can get away with it, guys, because of who he is, you can\’t. They\’re customers, remember.) Everyone in the Circles will be able to watch via MagmaTV and we can vote whether to keep them or eat them via the Undernet.

This is a huge coup for Sir Beelzebub and our corporation and it\’s gonna be the most exciting thing you ever saw. You can take part in the real DIE exercises by suggesting better strategies for the kids via Undernet, at only a small energy charge.

This is all part of our new openness initiative aimed at keeping negativity where it belongs, with our customers and future soul energy donors, the human hybrids.

All the worst
Ms Twistchip (B.A. Hons.)
Senior Facilitator
Combined DIE Teams
North West Europe Division
Hell Inc.
Screwtape House
Hitler Way
Fourth Circle
Inferno
EV1 1LL

This email is the exclusive confidential property of Hell Inc. If you have received it in error, burn before reading.

[Note: I\’m afraid I am not at liberty to explain how I hacked this information from the Undernet. Serious apologies to C. S. Lewis.]