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ON BEING A SLOB

Try this pop-quiz I just made up to see if you\’re a slob too.
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You find an open magazine lying on the bathroom floor. What do you do?
a) This is impossible. I have no time to read magazines because I spend so much time cleaning, dusting and washing my hands. Like books, magazines are evil dust-collecters and are banned.
b) This is impossible. All magazines remain in my faux-leather fake book special magazine holder in the living room until they are recycled at the end of the week.
c) I pick it up, put it in the correct place for it and shout at the person who left it there.
d) I read it.
e) Which magazine did you mean?
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Congratulations. If you ticked (d) or (e), you too are a slob.
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I\’ve always thought that slobs and tidies* have differently wired brains. I\’ve watched the tidies I know with great interest and I\’ve noticed that they always see the start of mess. They spot that magazine in the loo and they find the stray mug behind the sofa. More importantly, they then do something about it.
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I don\’t. I really don\’t see it. Tidies won\’t believe this because they think the whole world is wired the same way as them which is why there\’s a word like slob for people like me but no word for people who go round tidying and cleaning and get nervous if there\’s a picture hanging crooked.
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I\’ll notice the magazine on the bathroom floor when the pile is interfering with me getting to the loo and probably not before.
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Obviously this means that my house is usually in a mess. Normally it\’s not too dirty though. But at the moment it has got so filthy, that even I have become uncomfortable and the cat is insisting I do something about the fleas (I will give excuses for this disgusting state of affairs tomorrow).
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The trouble is, I know that means a solid week of work to get the place sorted out and cleaned and while I don\’t mind cleaning at all, I absolutely loathe, hate and detest tidying. It makes me feel sick with boredom and the resulting tidy room makes me feel anxious and crabby.
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I blame my different wiring. I am differently organised. Yes. That\’s my excuse. There should probably be a treatment program or something.
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[a tidy, pl. tidies, n. – someone who enjoys tidying and organising and whose house is always tidy. When reading Feng Shui articles they have to ask, \”What is clutter?\” Finney Lexical Expansion Service.]

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