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FINANCIAL FABLES – The Revolting Students

Once upon a time (and a very good time it was) there were some revolting students causing trouble in the kingdom.
They were annoyed because the King\’s Favourite Minister had decided they all had to pay much more to get their magic Stiffikets. It wasn\’t that they actually wanted to study, it was more that they knew they had to have a magic Stiffiket if they wanted to get a job doing anything at all. Even road sweepers had to have a Stiffiket showing they had a degree in Transportation Network Hygienization.
The trouble was the Stiffikets were very expensive already, costing fifteen thousand gold pieces each (at least). With the hike in prices, this was going to go up to 27,000 gold pieces.
\”Don\’t worry,\” said the Favourite Minister, \”We\’ll lend you the money at favourable rates and you don\’t have to pay it back until you\’re earning… ooh.. loads.\”
The revolting students ignored this because it all sounded quite financial. They just kept on shouting about the cost of Stiffikets going up.
\”Look,\” said the Favourite Minister reasonably, \”It\’s just not fair that you should get the advantage of a magic Stiffiket which will make you much richer, without having to pay for it.\”
\”How much did you pay for yours, then?\” shouted some unpleasant oaf.
The Favourite Minister ignored him because the Favourite Minister, like all his friends, hadn\’t actually paid anything at all for his magic Stiffiket which was quite a bit more use for getting a good job back then as well. He didn\’t see what his free magic Stiffiket had to do with anything. After all, he was all right and so were all his friends who agreed with him about raising Stiffiket prices, even the ones who had said they wouldn\’t.
The Favourite Minister was quite certain that the revolting students would see sense and stop revolting soon. However his Official Fool wasn\’t so sure.
\”Look sir,\” said the Fool, \”What we don\’t want them to work out is that keeping the entire middle class sunk in debt for as long as possible is a very good way of controlling them and stopping them doing anything that upsets the gravy train.\”
\”Apple cart,\” corrected the Favourite Minister gently, who was a multimillionaire. \”And I\’m sure that\’s not true.\” He was always v ery careful to wear only quite ordinary velvet cloaks.
\”It is true, sir,\” said the Fool, \”And it\’s how we… er… that is, your predecessors and you have been able to get away with so much for so long. The natural arguing and protesting people are too busy worrying about their mortgages and student loans to do anything to stop you.\”
\”Not at all,\” said the Favourite Minister anxiously, \”The trouble is, the revolting students seem to be getting sympathy from the pamphlet-writers. Every time the police try to control them, everybody complains.\”
\”Hm,\” said the Fool, \”We can\’t have that. All right sir, I\’ll see to it.\”
Off he went to see a friend of his called Miggs. James Miggs, 001. The Fool outlined the problem with the revolting students and Miggs grinned. \”Leave it to me,\” he said.
The next time the revolting students were marching up and down, Miggs sidled up to one of the wilder-eyed and more drunken ones. \” \’ere,\” he said, \”This is boring. Let\’s go attack that big block of stone with flags on just over there.\”
\”Yeah right,\” said the revolting drunk student who went off and got himself photographed vandalising the Cenotaph.
\”\’ere,\” said Miggs to another one, \”What about that statue of the fat bloke. Did you know he\’s the FM\’s dad?\”
And so another revolting student vandalised a statue of Churchill. Tutting at how gullible the younger generation were, Miggs had a quiet word with some friends of his in theatreland.
\” \’ere,\” he said to a group of revolting students, \”Look, there\’s a posh car, it\’s probly a banker. Let\’s get it!\”
Obediently the revolting students trashed the posh car and poked a stick at the Crown Prince\’s second wife who they otherwise quite liked.
Miggs made sure his friends at the pamphlets got pictures and went off for a drink.
Soon everyone said, \”What wicked ingrates the revolting students are!\” and everything went back to normal. The people who\’d got to the top thanks to their free Stiffikets were even more safe from challenge by anyone younger or poorer – and so were their children.
\”Job done,\” said Miggs James Miggs, 001.

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