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A Simple-ish way out of the current impasse on Brexit…

A foolishly optimistic scheme.

 

Idiocy

This is me shouting into the wind of idiocy, blowing like gigantic halitosis from the mouths of ultra-right politicians (hello, Jacob Rees-Mogg) and ultra-left politicians (shame on you, Jeremy Corbyn). Rees-Mogg thinks he’s going to make a fortune from Brexit and Corbyn thinks he can grab power out of the horrible embuggeration that will be a no-deal or even a May-deal Brexit.

Penn’orth

I realise nobody is listening and nobody cares, much preferring to scream into the faces of their blood enemies, but still I have to put my penn’orth in.

Aunty Theresa or…

Ruth Davidson. She is the leader of the Scottish Conservatives and has so far kept out of the collapse of Britsh Conservatism into a bunch of warring schoolboy gangs. Dear Aunty Theresa keeps whingeing at everyone that they simply must accept her deal, while the EU politicians keep telling her that they don’t accept it and they won’t accept it and that’s that. I think she’s hoping to emotionally blackmail Europe with the Kent lorry-park threat and the collapsing food-chain option. Possibly even the return of the sweating sickness.

Personally, I think she’s lost the final stubborn marble rolling round her bonce.

Get rid of her, for the love of God – or at least the love of power, that perennially reliable political trait.

Kidnap Ruth Davidson

Force her to become the Conservative leader and therefore prime minister. Send Aunty Theresa off to a nice polite private detox centre with pot pourri in the hall and lockable exits, she needs a rest.

Ruth Davidson then calls another referendum. Since there isn’t time to do that before Article 50 hits, she withdraws Article 50. She ignores the screams of outrage from the swivel-eyed Brexiteers. She’ll be good at that.

The referendum is held. The choice, as before, is between Leave and Stay (in the EU). Yes, I know it’s what you might say to a dog, but it’s clearer and not tainted like “Remain.”

Stay

Please god, the third of the voters that I believe voted Leave in order to give Cameron a good kicking, now vote Stay in order to give Theresa May a good kicking.

If they do and the referendum comes up with a majority for Stay, Article 50 remains withdrawn and life returns, as far as it can after the recent nasty outbursts of racism and xenophobia, to the status quo ante. No doubt the Brexiteers, lefties and righties alike, will scream themselves into collective thrombosis, and good riddance.

However, the will of the British people is imponderable. They might well vote a second time for their own destruction and triumphantly bring in a vote for Brexit..

Brrrrexit!

In that case, Ruth Davidson’s duty is clear. It will automatically be best of three. There will be no way out. That might concentrate a few minds.

We have to unwind 40 years of co-operation and legislation. So she appoints a cross-party committee of cunning and able negotiators, including Tony Blair (of course he’ll say yes) and Peter Mandelson and Ken Clarke to get the job done with no hysteria-inducing deadline. It takes as long as it takes, which is probably at least five years, including 18 months to unwind the mess caused by the past two years.

When that committee has brought the divorce settlement to parliament and got it passed, then Ruth Davidson, or her successor, triggers Article 50 again and we leave in a slightly less chaotic and incompetent manner than seems likely in March 2019.

White Cliffs

Why Ruth Davidson? Because she seems like a grown-up, she’s Scottish (which puts the frighteners on the loonies a bit) and she seems to be equipped with some basic political skills utterly foreign to the May-bot.

Will it be all lovely and white cliffs of Dover? No, it will still be difficult and complicated.

But at least we might recover economically in less than twenty years, which is good enough for me.

2 Comments

  1. David Gard says:

    Ruth Davidson to the rescue.
    “Dear Aunty Theresa keeps whingeing at everyone that they simply must accept her deal, while the EU politicians keep telling her that they don’t accept it and they won’t accept it and that’s that. ”
    May’s deal is the ONLY deal EU say they will accept.
    5 years to negotiate? Unfortunately, the EU rules stipulate 2y after Art. 50 is triggered.. and they refuse to negotiate until triggered.
    Brexit is not simple.
    If Brexit is the answer, then you asked the wrong question!

    1. I’ve always thought that the whole idea was wrong-headed from the start – it seems I underestimated just how bad it was. Thank you for the correction.

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