January Brings the Diet… 3Steps to a Great Eating Habit

Yes, this is the result of a New Year\’s resolution but it\’s also because I want to brag – I\’ve just delivered another book for Kindle called \”3 Steps to a Great Eating Habit\” which is a book I\’ve actually been intending to write for about thirty years.

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This is my take on how to install a normal eating habit when you\’ve been pogoing between diets and binges for years. It\’s based on the latest research into our metabolisms which pins the blame for our blubber on sugar. I don\’t have a link for it yet, but when I do I\’ll post it here.

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I\’m my own experimental subject (again) so I\’ll be following my own recommendations from the book – starting with Step 2, stage 2 – come off sugar. I\’ll let you know how I get on!

 

 

Happy New Year. Happy Epiphany as well!

I stand up at Flushing Sailing Club!

I\’ve just come back from talking to Flushing Sailing Club about my books – mainly the Carey novels. Here\’s a picture of some of the audience, after a few pints.

\"Some

 

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All right – quite a few had already left by the time I remembered to get a picture and they\’d had a good laugh, believe me.

 

 

 

 

Yes, I do it wearing my lovely purple corset. And?

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(This is a picture of me doing my talk. I don\’t think I normally look this hideous. Honest.) It makes sense when you know what my poetry is like – buy \”The Poetry Diet\” to find out.

Actually they were all really friendly and asked some highly expert questions about Elizabethans, the Borders and chocoholism.

I personally blame the fact that I\’ve been writing the latest Sir Robert Carey book (no title yet) and am eating industrial quantities of chocolate and patisserie.

 

 

So THAT\’s what I should have been doing all this time…

I did a poetry reading and gig at Waterstones in Truro tonight – it was a blast. Slightly a blast from the past as I was cavorting in my amazing purple corset, but everyone ate my chocolate truffles (damn fine, though I sez it myself), drank some wine kindly provided by Waterstones and then sat and listened to my poetry and discursions on…
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Actually I\’m not sure what. I do remember censoring the bit about when I was having my first baby and then explaining how to make your daughter\’s eighth birthday sleepover go really well for all the little girls in her class. It involves meticulous doses of Haribo sweeties and ice cream with chocolate sauce for breakfast, the recipe for which is in \”The Poetry Diet\” (published by Thingley Press).
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I love making people laugh and I love doing it even more when it\’s deliberate and part of selling books, rather than inadvertent because I\’ve said something idiotic again. I am, after all, the woman who caused the whole of the village shop to fall about laughing when I spotted an unexpected tenner in my purse and said loudly, \”Oh look, there\’s some money, better spend it quick before it all goes away!\”

PUBLISHING \”THE POETRY DIET\”

Or \”Why don\’t we all just wear corsets..?\” I believe that in today\’s literary marketplace there is room for a book of mildly pornographic poetry about chocolate, sex, food, bodies, food, dieting and chocolate. With recipes.
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If you have ever looked in the mirror and winced, struggled not to eat every chocolate in the box, been too intimidated by coat-hanger-shaped shop assistants to go into certain clothes shops… This book is for you.
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Thingley Press (West Country micropublishers extraordinaire) are bringing it out soon. It\’s not on their website yet because it\’s not quite finished, but it will be.
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The really great thing is that recent research has shown that simply reading poetry about chocolate will make you feel as if you just ate some.
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Honest.

Ranking Fever

Last night I entered a pub quiz with some friends and thoroughly enjoyed myself – it was part of Penryn Week Celebrations. On Friday 22nd July I\’ll be doing my own event for Penryn Week – a literary evening about The Poetry of Food at which I\’ll be reading poems from my new book \”The Poetry Diet.\”
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It was the quiz that really interested me. Here\’s a question for everyone. When I was young (back in the late Cretaceous period), competition was quickly going out of fashion. We went from being ranked in classrooms (first, second, last) to not even being officially streamed. Sports day became a points exercise with no overall winners – although everyone knew who was best. Even prize day turned into something else – just as long and boring but with no prizes.
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This was because the fashionable socialism of the day held that anything elitist was wrong and wicked and all must be equal no matter what. Also that children were easily traumatised by coming last in a class and if no one could be allowed to come last, it followed that no one should come first either.
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The Daily Telegraph and the Daily Mail ran regular snorticles* about how banning competition in school would lead to woe, destruction and the end of Life As We Know It.
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Since then a couple of decades… er…. some time has passed. The end of the world has not come, I notice. However it seems that there is now an absolute obsession about competition and ranking and who\’s best and celebrity. The effect of banning elitism and competition in school has been horrors like the X Factor and a huge quiz-show industry. So another predictable own-goal there.
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And I think pub quizzes are part of that ranking fever, in a small way. The Arts Alive Penryn team came third. No, that\’s fine. It\’s OK. The better team won. Only 6 points in it, mind you, but…

* A Snorticle. Any opinion article in which the writer can almost be heard to snort. Also known as a \”why-oh-why\” piece [Finney Lexical Expansion Service]

Annoyed with Self

I basically faffed around today. I meant to work on my non-fiction book (don\’t ask – well, OK, do ask but I might not answer) and spent the whole morning reading something that was nothing to do with it. Then I went to Truro library and found they wanted back two of the books they\’d found for my research on account of the University of Lancaster insisting the books must return. And I\’m only about a quarter of the way through the first one, despite having had it for six weeks. The fact that it\’s entirely my fault I haven\’t done the research I meant to do when I should have done it, DOES NOT MAKE ANYTHING BETTER.
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The afternoon was then devoted to doing an IT course – essentially filling in the large gaps in my knowledge of how to make computers do what I want them to do, not what they want. Naturally I plan to write a book called \”What to do when Computer Says No\”, ideally collaborating with my fantastically brilliant cousin Simon Key who is a professional cartoonist.
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And then Ben Salfield who is the only organised musician – guitarist and lutenist – I have ever met, called me and told me to do linky things with the Tolmen Centre\’s website because I am going to be performing at the guitar festival there on the 14th October. I will be launching \”THE POETRY DIET or Why Don\’t We All Just Wear Corsets?\” Quite possibly while wearing a corset.