Tech meltdown (again)

I had another tech meltdown the other day. It wasn’t quite as bad as it’s been in the past, but it was still pretty bad and very embarrassing because somebody I like saw it. I have meltdowns when I’m on my own which are also bad and embarrassing but at least there’s no collateral damage.

I should have known better than even to touch my laptop that day, because I woke feeling grumpy for no reason I could make out. I felt better after a walk but then I was encouraged to make a little video about the book of mine that’s coming out on Kindle (LUCKY WOMAN, new title, rewritten).

Well, I made one video and frankly it was awful. So I bounced around and jumped up and down to get my blood moving, put some lippy on my cheekbones so I didn’t look so grey and tried again. A bit better but it was too long.

So I tried to trim the thing. A perfectly simple operation. Make two copies of the video. It took me ages to work out how to do that, which should have warned me that I wasn’t firing on all cylinders. Then trim the back end from one copy and the front end from the other and voilá. Two little videos where there had been one before.

I couldn’t do it. I’d done it once before but I couldn’t remember the exact sequence. Meanwhile an appointment with a kinesiologist was getting closer and closer which stressed me more because I hate being late for anything.

So I started panicking. Why couldn’t I do it? It was a perfectly simple operation. Why wasn’t the laptop co-operating? Why did it hate me? Why? Oh my god. Why am I so stupid? Why couldn’t I remember how to do it? Etc. and so on.

Of course, at that point what I should have done was stop, close the laptop and gone off to my appointment.

I didn’t. It didn’t even occur to me. I started swearing and muttering and sweating and clicking randomly over the screen and told the friend who was only trying to help by telling me what an intelligent woman I am, to fuck off. I’m not proud of that. Understandably my friend lost their temper and told me off, also pointing out I was going to be late for my appointment.

At least that made me shut the fucking piece-of-shit laptop. I fled out the door and ran most of the way to the kinesiologist – which of course burned off most of the stupid-making cortisol.  I got there in good time and felt much better.

I wish I could find a reliable way of stopping these stupid tantrums. It really isn’t good for a woman of (ahem) mature years to start behaving like a three year old who’s been told she can’t have a go on mummy’s iPad.

Yes, I know it’s because my amygdala gets swamped with stress hormones and my reptile brain takes over, ready to roar at the evil laptop and chomp it to bits along with anybody else in the area. I’ve had some success with Tapping/EFT in the past, which calmed me down enough so I could shut the laptop and go for a walk. When I come back I can usually do whatever it was I couldn’t before, or at least realise it isn’t so important.

Shut the laptop, walk away. That’s all I need to do. Why is it so hard to think of when I’m locked in unwinnable combat with a Totally Obedient Moron piece of tech?

 

 

 

TECHNO-TRIGGERED MELTDOWNITIS

OK so I was screaming at my laptop for thwarting me at every turn. Unfortunately I scream very loudly and swear a lot. #1 son got upset by this and started doing that very unhelpful male thing of advising me to calm down which… well, how can I put this tactfully? Essentially it just added hi-octane jet fuel to the flames. Hysterical tears followed and a massive argument with #1 son, to whom I was very nasty.
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Why?
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I couldn\’t get at my emails.
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Why?
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Well, actually I\’d put in the wrong password. But then I got so furious and upset with the bloody uselessness of the instructions for changing your password that I became an incoherent screaming thingoid from the black lagoon. As my brain was overwhelmed with cortisol and adrenalin, I didn\’t realise it was my mistake in the first place.
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Eventually #2 son managed to get me calmed down enough so I could realise what had happened. So I rang BT Broadband helplineand talked to a very helpful chap somewhere in India who sorted it out and gave me a new password. In the process he had to delete the password for this blog from my computer\’s memory and of course I\’d forgotten that too, which is why I haven\’t posted for a few days.
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But at least I got at my emails and all was splendid. In the meantime I had probably frightened the living daylights out of our lovely new lodger – although the dog was noticeably undistressed and the cat was clearly just wondering if this would delay her supper any further.
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I can cope with a screaming toddler. I can cope with a teenager who feeds pizza to the dog after being told not to and causes said dog to puke all over the living room carpet. I can cope with bureacrats and bailiffs and taxmen and even doctors\’ receptionists in a calm, polite, even good-humoured way.
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So why does my computer send me completely loopy with rage?